Resume Terbest Di Malaysia

Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar
5 Jalan 3/4
Taman Bukit Indah
68000 Ampang Selangor.
(Rumah pakcik saya)

Tuan Pengurus Besar Kanan
Malaysia Airlines System
21 Sep 2005

Tuan,
Memohon Pekerjaan di Malaysia Airlines System.

Sehubungan dengan perkara diatas, saya Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar no
k/p
831021-10-5889 mahu memohon untuk bekerja disyarikat tuan dalam bidang
teknikal. Ini kerana saya sangat berminat & bersungguh2 sampai tak
boleh
tido malam mengingatkan pekerjaan dalam dalam bidang ini. Walaupun
begitu
saye mengaku sebab saye mintak kerja disini kerana Saya juga adalah
seorang
petani anggur. Disebabkan begitu pihak tuan Kenalah ambil saya bekerja
disini.

1. Pihak tuan perlu tahu juga bahawasanya bapa saya iaitu ABD GHAFAR
adalah
seorang ahli KWSP. Jika pihak tuan tidak mengambil saya bekerja saya
serta
merta akan menyuruh bapa saya membekukan pengeluaran KWSP pihak tuan
masa
tua nanti. Jika pihak tuan tak nak susah baiklah ambil saya bekerja
disini.Itu saja keotaian saya.

2. Untuk pengetahuan pihak tuan, disini saya akan tampilkan kelayakan
akademik dan pengalaman kerja saya sebelum ini kepada tuan.

3. Akademik Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia Vokasional 1999-2000


Matapelajaran : (gred)
Bahasa Malaysia 6D
Bahasa Inggeris 6D
Sains 7E
Matematik 6D
Pendidikan Islam 5C
Sejarah 7E
Lukisan geometri 7E
Teknologi air-condition 6D
Kerja bengkel 3B

Sijil Kemahiran Malaysia 2001-2002 (MLVK)
Sijil Kejuruteraan Automotive (Tahap 1&2) dari Institut latihan
Perindustrian Kementerian Sumber Manusia Malaysia

4. Pengalaman kerja
!P Pembantu mekanik kereta di Yusuf Workshop, Ipoh , Perak





!P Pembantu mekanik kereta di Dunlop Servitekar di Leboh Ampang, Kuala
Lumpur (kedai gemok)
p/s (alignment kat situ tipu)


!P Staff pejabat di Gesundheit Worldwide di Semabok, Melaka. (pusat
serenti)

5. Hanya ini sahaja dapat saya tampilkan kepada pihak tuan. Diharap
dengan
kelayakan yang saya ada, permohonan saya untuk bekerja disyarikat tuan
dapat dipertimbangkan oleh tuan. Dan saya berasa gembira & seronok &
akan
belanja satu MAS makan sekiranya diterima bekerja di syarikat tuan dan
saya
berjanji akan bekerja dengan bersungguh-sungguh disamping bangun awal
dan
datang kerja awal. Saya tak tipu nie. Walaupun saya pernah ponteng
skolah
dan ditangkap beberapa kali saya akan insaf juga jika saya dapat kerja
ini.
Saya tidak akan hisap ganja lagi jikalau saya dapat kerja disini.
Sekiranya
saya didapati bersalah dalam apa2 juga kesalahan pihak tuan tidak
boleh
ambil tindakan yg kuat disamping menjentik jari saya sahaja. Untuk
makluman
tuan saya sangat kurus jikalau dirotan sekali tulang2 saya akan
bersepai
dan pihak tuan akan mendapat susah yang amat sangat. Saya juga berjanji
tidak akan mencuri skru2 nat2 yg lawa2.jika saya nak mencuri saya akan
ambil sahaja dan masuk dalam poket seluar itu tidak dikira mencuri.
Saya
pun dah penat menulis segala nya bermula & berakhir dgn baik. Jika
pihak
tuan tidak mengambil saya bekerja hidup pihak tuan akan berakhir dengan
bacaan yasin. Dah kunjungan org ramai.

Sekian terima kasih.

Yang benar,
(Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar)
25 Jalan 3/4
Taman Bukit Indah
68000 Ampang
Selangor

Surat perpisahan

Hi, my motive write this letter to give know u something. I want to cut connection us. I saw you play wood 3 in front my eyes. So, I break connection to pull my body from this love. I have think about this very cook cook. I knowI clap 1 hand only. I don't trust you again! You are really crocodile land! I don't want you to play play with my liver. I have been cyring until no more eye water. I don't want banana to fruit 2 times. Safe walk.

Cerita orang sakit

atas saranan doktor, Mamat dihantar untuk berubat di
USA kerana penyakitnya yang agak kritikal. Sesampainya
di Hospital New York, Mamat dibawa ke bilik bedah dan
dipasang tiub getah kiri kanan.

Beberapa jam kemudian, seorang pesakit dari UK yang
kelihatannya lebih parah dibawa masuk dan diletak
bersebelahan katil si Mamat. Si Mat Saleh ini walaupun
kelihatannya lemah, dia masih mencuba untuk
berkomunikasi dengan Mamat. Dia mengangkat tangannya
dengan susah payah dan berkata: "United kingdom..."
Mamat yang juga sedang lemah, menjawab:
"Malaysian..."
Setelah itu dua-duanya pengsan karena keletihan.

Beberapa jam kemudian mereka kembali sedar dan cuba
berkomunikasi lagi.
Si Mat Saleh berkata dengan lemah: "James..." dijawab
dengan susah payah oleh Mamat: "Mamat..." habis itu
mereka pengsan lagi.

Beberapa jam kemudian setelah sedar, mereka berdua
masih mencuba melanjutkan percakapannya.
"Birmingham..." kata si Mat Saleh, dijawab Mamat:
"Kuala Kangsar..." pengsan lagi.

Tak lama kemudian mereka sedar dan masih mencuba untuk
berbual. Si Mat Saleh yang sudah hampir kehabisan
nafas berkata:
"Cancer..."

Dan dengan sisa-sisa nafas yang ada Mamat menyahut:
"Capricorn..."

Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk. Just see below:-

Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the Englis Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing. So why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are on a long distance call. Make it snappy:-

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (while pointing at door) Can or not?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money?
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err, Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming fromm, but I really have to disagre with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

True story very SAD

A police officer had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the gal's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. The gal's father started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back. Her father said that if u both come back I will marry u with the guy u love, I accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.

The couple went to the city to shop for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.

One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had a dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible.

But her mother ignored the dream. Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained.

In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up, and gave her an object, that awe-struck girl asked "what is this?

To which the fairy replied "Try Dynamo Liquid Soap. Just a dap & it will remove all stubborn stain"

I know what u all are feeling now... But don't look for me... I'm also searching for the person who mailed this to me...

Otak kosong

2 orang kawan becerita-cerita masa berjumpa di jalanan,

Kawan 1:Apa ko bawa dalam kantung ko tu?

Kawan 2:Terap...

Kawan 1:Banyak ka? minta satu boleh

Kawan 2:Ko teka dulu berapa biji.Kalau ko teka ngam,
ke empat-empat biji terap dalam kantung ni
sya kasi ko semua.

Kawan 1:eemmm...(garu2 telinga..) 6 biji mangkali.

Sorry Gajah

seekor gajah dan seekor monyet yang bertenggek di atas gajah sedang
berjalan menyeberangi sungai yang tidak berapa deras air mengalir.
Relaks saja gajah,tapi si monyet yang duduk atas gajah tiba2 ada perasaan
LAIN.Dia mau tuuut ni gajah so dia pun beralih duduk di bahagian gajah
yang paling belakang dekat ekor.Monyet pun mula operasi meng tuuut
si gajah.Gajah yang berbadan besar manada terasa pun action si
monyet yang kecil.Tapi monyet teruskan juga dengan penuh perasan...
Sampai satu tempat,tiba2 gajah terpijak duri besar dan "ADOOIII..."
gajah teriak kesakitan.Mengalir airmata gajah kesakitan "SAKIIITT..."
Monyet jadi perasan dan cepat2 berlari dekat telinga gajah dan kasi bisik
"ooh..sori aa gajah,saya terkasar tadi,tidak sedar ba".Gajah jadi hairan
kenapa monyet minta sori,aku tidak rasa apa apa yang kasar....